scrubs ending quotes

What do I owe? [Laughs heartily] I can't help it, it kills me! I have gone with Lassie because of course it satisfies the criteria of being both a girl's and a dog's name, thus helping you to ease into the transition. Dr. Perry Cox: You know, crying babies covered in chocolate, people singing Happy Birthday to my son who have never even met him before, the whole routine! Paige I'd like you to meet random people I don't care about, J.D. I was paged there was a donut track out here! Dr. Cox: Uh, I'd like to issue a warning to everybody, and I'm dead serious. I have a friend, Pat Casey, he called his mum an ass once. Janitor: Really. Dr. Cox: Hey, Betty. Dr. Elliot Reid: No. I didn't recognize you in scrubs. Turk: Because you think I'm going first due to my Diabetes. Trying to make a baby with you is the sexiest thing in the world to her. Dr. Cox: Carla you devil I can't help but notice you love telling jokes. So he soiled himself, on the couch, right in front of our son. You went to Harvard, for God's sake! Nurse Laverne Roberts: [standing on the threshold of the hospital's entrance, holding a broom] Nobody's getting past here, baby! Todd: [Carla and Elliot are now down the hall] It's ok if you girls wanna walk away, cause I'd love to see you go. [realizes ink got on his hand and now is wiped on his head] AWWWW MAN! Nurse Carla Espinosa: So, what are you guys gonna do now that your residencies are over? Elliot: Can't we just go home, put on our pj's and watch "Grey's Anatomy?". I heard someone yell 'Hold that woman's legs down!' The guy we bought him from used to keep him in a box full of old hats. Dr. Perry Cox: Hold the phone: are you suggesting that if I sleep with him, that I won't have to deal with problems like this? I guess it's true what they say: first one to be in a threesome, last one to get married. Turk: I can't believe you! J.D. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with and half the ones who get married get divorced anyway, and I'm telling you right now through all the stuff I have not become a cynic, I haven't. Dr. Kelso: Do you people have any idea how long I've been waiting on you? Dr. Christopher Turk: Oh no, that was bigger than a bomb, more like an asteroid about to hit the planet, you know? So, right about now, you gotta be asking yourself, do you think you're *that* good? Dr. Cox: Okay, I do have an answer for that... Eww...? Dr. Cox: The weird thing is that I'm actually trying this time. Dr. Cox: [laughing as he walks off] Hehehe! So, what are your breast like? I needed that. J.D. [He bends down to listen at the head of the gurney]. Dr. Kelso: Who the hell is responsible for not treating that man? Heather: [recorded on tape] There it is! Shocking? I've been starving myself because I was going to a steakhouse tonight. Turk: Dude, I've got my own problems! A lot of times you feel like a little girl in a big gal's body. Elliot: [looking at a picture] When did you meet Morgan Freeman? I would never compare you to the gays. Do you think I'm wasting my life. Dorian: And you won't admit this, but you're in love with Carla. Billy Callahan: It's their favorite show. The Janitor: [sitting on a chair, petting an invisible cat; speaks in a fake English accent] So... you don't want to know the ending of something. : And you! Dr. John 'J.D.' If you utter a word about the score of the game, it will be your last. Dr. Elliot Reid: Dr. Cox. Is it sexist to hold the door for a woman? Dr. Perry Cox: Oh. Meanwhile, you just skip along, all right Shirley? Bottom line is, couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. Dorian: Ok, on the night of said conception, ah, Kim and I nude-ed up, and um, the dirty talk began and I got a little over excited. Mrs. Wilk: Now that you've told me it won't sound sincere. Nurse Carla Espinosa: Jordan, I can handle it. : [thinking] I hate showing Todd love. Dr. John "J.D." I mean, Dr. Cox is a text-book closed-off alpha male. Johnny was always the one in the family we KNEW was going someplace. Dorian: Will you stop teasing my beard? Dr. Dr.Perry Cox: Mr. Hutnik, I see here you are admitted for swollen lymph nodes and abdominal pain. So, Perry, I was wondering if you knew that I have a date this weekend? Todd: Oh, so he can call you "Smelliot" but I'm not allowed to call you "Vagina Face"? Guys, if I give you a patient I expect you to work your butt off for him. I catch you hiding behind the sawmill. J.D. J.D. Chop, chop! Dr. Cox: No thanks, I already had diarrhea today. Guy I Despise So Much, I'd Pay Someone To Kill Ya and Stuff Ya and Leave you by my Bed, So That When I Wake Up in the Morning, I Could Roll Over and Punch You in the Face... of the Year. His name is actually Jose, that's why I hired him. I'm not sure. Jordan: Will you say good bye to Jack before I drop him off at preschool? The usual. / What's going to happen? We're going to rub it in your face a little bit by doing some brazilian fight dancing. Dr. Elliot Reid: Why are you still antagonising him? Dorian: Good thinking. J.D. Elliot: Dr. Cox, this is the most painful thing I've ever done and I was a cutter for a week in high school. She's actually crying, Julie Quinn: That's so funny! Dr. John 'J.D.' J.D. J.D. Dr. Cox: Well, raise my rent if you're not off to see Tasty Coma Wife, aren't you? Chris Turk: You know, I did learn a little when my high school class went to France, but that was just stuff to pick up chicks. Grover: Tell me about it. See, that's funny because it's true. The Janitor: Imagine that: I've been working here for 14 years and I guess I don't rate as part of the family. Dorian: What are you doing here? Smart kid. And who's to say my fantasies won't come true just this once? Bumper Buddies! Elliot: Wait a second! He's 6, what's he gonna do? And I know I've used the falling excuse before but it's happened again. So drop it. J.D. Sunny then comments that J.D. That wonderful time of the year when you two crazy kids throw all caution to the wind and make sweet, ellbowy love to each other. Dr. Cox: Could you *have* a bigger ass right now? And at least I remember the names of all MY sexual partners! 12. Let me see if this relieves the pain. You see, typical of her, she went ahead and signed us up for an eternal tandem bike ride all along the banks of the River Styx. The Janitor: Interesting, because that's about 3,000 miles from the natural habitat of the white marlin. : As far as Bob Kelso goes, I know sometimes even the good things he does are for the wrong reasons. I want what you guys have... someone to stand up for me when I really need it, you know? I mean, don't get me wrong; I'm not like I'm going to sit here and count up all the women I've ever slept with... Dr. Cox: ...18. I can't even sit on it! J.D. Nurse Carla Espinosa: Guys, listen, we really need to help Elliot. And I also do silly rants. J.D. That's not right. Hey, Wilma. Um, you shouldn't go home. Elliot: It's almost like it's been sculpted. I am dangerously close to giving up men all together! Dorian: Remember? Spence: [to Dr. Cox] Hey, congratulations. Dr. Elliot Reid: Dr. Cox is naming ass-face, here, at 3. Dr. John 'J.D.' Janitor: No, that was you. : Nah, this is my roommate's badge, so we must have switched them this morning when we... Dr. Kelso: That's a great anecdote, you should write that down in your journal so your kids can read it when you're dead. Turk: When do you find time to see your patients? When Carla and I came home yesterday, we heard something; did you two hook up in J.D. Dorian: Y'know, sir, Dr. Townshend was telling me you had some great old stories about the hospital. Yes you i-in the back. : Jason, if you are filling out a female patients exam report her breasts can be healthy or unhealthy, never "banging double d's". Turk: [being introduced to Julie's godfather, Billy Dee Williams] Lando Calrissian! I can't even imagine how I'd try. Dorian: This whole experience got me thinking about the nature of gratitude. Dr. Cox: I need you to come upstairs and talk to a young black girl who will not let me call her mom. Dorian: Mr Milligan? : Got it... You really had trouble with metabolic diseases? Dorian: [to Elliot, Carla, Keith, and Ted, about The Janitor] Maybe he should lie down. Shall we? Well, Chris from Shipping & Receiving wants to go solo! Don't ever question me on the Bunch. The Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show host! Dr. Kelso: Bob Kelso! Dr. Perry Cox: A tip jar? Cuando? J.D. Nurse Carla Espinosa: Surely you must know what it's like to love someone so much that you'd do anything you had to? Dr. Keep trying. no? Dr. Elliot Reid: Because the last time I met a patient at their house, I ended up on the news. Better go ahead and jot this down in your little lawyer notebook: Nothing you could do could ever, hee-hever get to me. And then they finally do, and they're happy forever. 50. Nothing mean. [Dan wraps himself in the towel, and takes one step out of the bathtub before falling flat on his face]. Y... You guys... you guys are, like, my peeps, my dogs... and... you're on the fritz, so... that's where I get "peeps"... "fritz" came from... Dr. Cox: Thank you for... giving me some prospective. Dr. Perry Cox: Oh my God! And Perry, if there's someone in your life at that hell hole of a hospital who you actually listen to, you should do everything in your power to keep them around, because that person is nothing short of a genius.

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